“please just take these photos from my hands”

While you were there, and I was here (and we were one, apart), music became the way that we’d speak. Sometimes our words would falter, and it was then that we had to use the words of others, public words made private. Snow Patrol was your favourite, and so it became mine too. A long day would demand Chasing Cars, a reminder of the times we’d spent together (do you remember?), lying on picnic blankets under giant trees, which kindly spread their shade over us like bodyguards watching against the intrusion of time. The times we fought, it was me who’d start quoting Hands Open in sorrow, and you who’d stop me before I was 6 foot under. Afterwards, (after it all, I mean) it was just one song that’d play on loop over and over again on my mp3 player, from my laptop, through my head: You could be happy and I won’t know, but you weren’t happy the day I watched you go.

I’ve stopped searching their songs for a hidden meaning, but there are moments when a lyric will still hit me afresh like a snowball caught by a face, and though I know you’ve long ceased to send me messages through others’ words, I wonder if this one’s meant for me too.

Is it? (Don’t say yes.)

I’m running out of ways to make you see
I want you to stay here beside me
I won’t be ok and I won’t pretend I am
So just tell me today and take my hand
Please take my hand
Please take my hand

Just say yes, just say there’s nothing holding you back
It’s not a test, nor a trick of the mind
Only love

It’s so simple and you know it is
You know it is, yeah
We can’t be to and fro like this
All our lives
You’re the only way to me
The path is clear
What do I have to say to you
For Gods sake, dear

Just say yes, just say there’s nothing holding you back
It’s not a test, nor a trick of the mind
Only love

– Snow Patrol Just Say Yes

extract from Chasing Cars

We’ll do it all, everything, on our own.
We don’t need anything, or anyone.

If I lay here, if I just lay here
Would you lie with me, and just forget the world.

extract from Hands Open

It’s hard to argue when you won’t stop making sense
But my tongue still misbehaves, and keeps digging my own grave.

note: the quote is from You could be happy, and the title of this post is also a title of one of Snow Patrol’s songs.

~ by translating for peas on December 19, 2009.

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