I’m going to be okay

27 March 2010

19:58

 

I went to watch Valentine’s Day last night.. Cheesy little chick flick. Have no idea why I said yes in the first place as I’d had a crazy day and only got home for the first time at around 19:00. But it sounded like light candy floss for the brain, and you know best of all how I needed a break from thinking after that email you sent out of the blue the other day.

The movie wasn’t good. It wasn’t bad either. But it certainly changed my life. ‘Cause when I walked out, I knew that I was going to be okay.

Why, you might be asking, if you ever stumble upon this letter I’m writing (seemingly to everyone, but actually to you). Simply this –  for the first time I watched a romcom and realized that I deserved more than this: whatever you want to call the aborted remains of us. For the first time, I watched fictional couples interacting on celluloid and thought that I too deserved the happiness that they had, a love that brought joy for the majority of the time, not anguish. For the first time, I didn’t end up longing that we too could be like them, not like two stangers sitting by themselves in separate cinemas watching the same film on different days. For the first time, I knew I was ready to let go.

I doubt you’re surprised- it’s been coming, inevitably, just like the crinkling of skin around our eyes. It’s only been a long time in coming because I loved you so. But now it’s time I love me too.

I’ll probably still find bits and pieces of you staining the paper on which I write, or in the warmth of another’s hug, but from this point on, it’s no longer your heart that I’m carrying, but mine. It’s no longer you that I’m breathing for, but me. It’s no longer all about us.. but it’s all about me.

We’ve said everything we need no have said and to have heard a million times already, so now there’s only one thing left to say:

Goodbye.

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~ by translating for peas on March 27, 2010.

One Response to “I’m going to be okay”

  1. Yay!
    I told you so 🙂

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