from prose to poetry

I’ve been messing around with the following line, trying to figure out what to do with it:

sometimes when you’ve been with someone, you can still smell them on you

It’s a bit clumsy, a bit too wordy.
It needs a little bit of magic… perhaps breath, perhaps space

for instance

sometimes
when you’ve been with someone

you can still smell them
on you

A new title:

forget me, forget me not

and lastly, perhaps, an afterthought:

forget me, forget me not

i
sometimes
when you’ve been with someone

you can still smell them
on you

even years later

ii
ending comes quickly
the end – not soon enough

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~ by translating for peas on May 9, 2010.

One Response to “from prose to poetry”

  1. sometimes
    after the company of another
    sent remains

    even years later
    it can be recalled

    then the question would be – how is it triggered? What makes you or anyone think of it? I take it the sent is the idea that even after parting – something of the bond remains in a visceral way.

    when moving from prose to poetry one must rethink the meaning and pick words for sound and for meaning. Words with the greatest capacity for connotation are the best.

    Listen for sound when it’s read out loud – it should flow.

    I hope I am not being too professorial.

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