don’t mind me – i’m just a little down tonight

I just got back from watching the words you and I never said spoken out loud by four people on a stage.

Dressed in shades of black and white, spotlit, stationary in places they never moved from, you, me, he, she spoke over, under, through each other, waiting, pausing, rushing, filling in, quickly, slowly.

you only told me what i wanted to hear.

i could never fill the gap in your heart.

the hardest thing is having someone you love, not love you back.

if you loved me, why did you leave.

i hate that we understand each other so well, that we know when we don’t understand each other.

All I can do is sit, watching a nightmare unfold on stage. Words. Hit. Heart. Crash. Hurt. Smash. They were speaking just lies, but in a language of love so familiar, I felt my heart jerk to attention, like it does when ambulance alarms start sounding outside. We always made sure to hurt out of love – with just enough honesty to break each other completely. When we said something, we meant it – and that’s what hurt. That’s why forever lodged itself so firmly in my chest. And that’s when goodbye was uttered, forever had to be ripped out

stop it. stop it. STOP IT. STOP IT!

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~ by translating for peas on June 4, 2010.

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