i make guest appearances

i hurt people, unintentionally.

i say to them ‘you are my favourite’. this is no lie – they are. the only problem is, i have so many favourites that i end up spending little time with each one, and so each ‘favourite’ feels a little bit cheapened. they feel that each new favourite means that there is less love for them, forgetting that a heart can grow and grow until it is no longer a fist-sized thing contained within a body, but rather a hug-sized thing holding a body together.

i’ve neglected a few of my favourites, unintentionally. i recently made amends with someone i hadn’t seen in a year or more. time had simply flown by, second after second, minute after minute, shedding itself like dead skin cells, until after a year, a whole body lay discarded.

i apologized. he said ‘it’s okay’. and ‘i’ve missed you’. my guilt dissipated into regret – i’d felt guilty because i thought he was mad; then i realized, he was just.. sad.

regret hurts more than guilt.

moved, i made amends with another neglected favourite the next day. a natural pessimist, he understands me a little better. he smsed that night, saying ‘i know you’re not always in my life. but i do enjoy your guest appearances. let’s not stop.’

and that’s the key, isn’t it? Let’s Not Stop.

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~ by translating for peas on February 28, 2011.

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