remember | forget

I got invited to the movies last night. I said no. I made some lame excuse. He looks hurt – he thinks it’s him.

How do I explain that the last two movies I watched both traumatized me? That loving him writing has opened up channels of empathy between me and everything, everyone I come across. Both times, I sat there, a growing unease smothering my ability to breathe. Both times, I turned to my friends, and wide-eyed asked them to tell me it was going to be okay. They laughed, not understanding.

A switch has flipped, and now all the reading, watching, listening to music I did to forget just reminds me of everything. Movies now mean two/ three hours of anxiety, no longer a haven from my own thoughts, but where I enter other people’s hell.

I wish I could find that switch again.

“I divide all readers into two classes: Those who read to remember and those who read to forget.”

– William Phelps

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~ by translating for peas on March 22, 2011.

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